"empty table syndrome"

Well, it is less than an hour until a new year begins. . .

My - oh my - what a year this has been. God has surely had us on some adventure - huh?!

A year a go tonight I was sitting with Steve watching "the ball" come down and Dick Clarke in Times Square. We had just enjoyed a holiday with Brandy, Kevin, the girls and Kimberly. I think we even put the girls to bed upstairs and played a game of Rumicube - one of our vacation favorites. We felt a little "funny" because we that next Christmas would be different. Kevin and Brandy had shared that they would be moving to Ohio and that their days in NJ would be over. The changes began at the very beginning of 2008!

January took the Kevin Deichert family to Ohio and we began life without the constant little voices calling for "Poppop". You see, Steve would sit upstairs in his recliner and read stories to the girls and cut them fruit and Brandy would take a break (?) and go to the grocery store. This was a system that worked for everyone. Now I would tell Steve that we would see the girls in X -amount of days and he would say "no" they have been gone X-amount of days. I know he REALLY missed them. I would re-iterate that this was God's plan and we had to accept it.

God allowed Steve to attend the wrestling tournaments with his brother and watch his nephew wrestle - boy he liked going. They would truck out with the wheelchair and park in the "handicapped" parking and enjoy the evening. I think Steve just like being on the floor in the wheelchair and close to the team to smell the sweat. Yuk!

April came and we headed to Ohio to spend a week at Apple Valley Resort. We were sooo excited. Dr. DiMenna gave permission for Steve to swim because his foot had healed and was able to get wet. Steve's desire of his heart had come true. He couldn't wait to get into the water with the girls. Everyday we swam. It was an Olympic sized pool and we were the only ones in it most of the time. We all had fun. We also borrow Daniel's Wii and had a good time with that as well. We enjoyed my nephew's wedding in Cleveland and then had to head home to NJ.

The summer came with some more changes. I resigned from my teaching at Shining Lights Preschool and moved to Joyful Noise Christian School in Marlton. God has taken care of this transition and I love what I am doing. I began working in the summer to get familiar with the procedures and facilities. I was helping them because another staff member had lost her husband to cancer.

THEN July 15th a day that none of us will ever forget. The AVM and off to a most difficult adventure God has ever delivered us. There have been different chapters to our adventure of life and just like the others - God WAS with us 100% of the way. We both sensed God with our decisions. These were difficult valley days for Steve. Dr. Mike Renzi said that it was "the worst". Steve shared with me that it was like going through hell. He wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy.

Oct. 4th we were supposed to board a plane for Disney World to vacation in our timeshare with the family - this was "our" plans not God's. We knew that Steve would take a bit longer to recover so we moved it to May so he could get stronger. Steve aspirated that day and decided to opt not to be put back on a ventilator and wait for God to take him home.

On Oct. 5th Steve experienced a place better than Disney - he experienced the presence and glory of God! No sun or moon because God's glory shines 24/7. No more night terrors and two great feet that can take him everywhere he wants to go!

God has been Wonderful to me since Steve has gone home. I KNOW He is with me constantly. When this began I said to the Lord - Steve was my rock and HE said -"no I am your rock!" and He has been! There have been times of fear and the Lord has placed a song that talks about not being afraid of the darkness - if God be for us who can be against us? or a preacher that preaches just (?) what I am feeling.

Are there times of sadness? Yes, most definitely. It hits us all at different times. Saturday we went to the Columbus Zoo and there was a building about the "reef" I remember Steve LOVING the ocean at Curacao and swimming with the tropical fish. I lost it that time.

Right now our biggest problem is fixing food. Steve took great care of feeding all of us. He made the kids lunches from day one. I knew if I went out at night time or on a retreat my kids would be well taken care of. It has take me a long time to make a decent cup of coffee. Yes, I was spoiled - Steve would make my breakfast and 10 course lunch - I would get dressed, come down and eat and leave. When ever we ate he cooked - I can - I just haven't. And everything in my brain is 7 or more. I am basically going through "EMPTY TABLE SYNDROME".

Kimberly and I are still doing some adjusting. She isn't on a regular schedule and PLEASE pray that she would find contentment in the job God has for her whatever that is. Meals are still a chore for both of us. When you have been married and lived with a chef for so many years - this may take a while.

Well, thank you for your mind. We are all going through this process as well as we can.

I found this in Steve's papers and I would like to share it with you on this New Year 2009 -

"When we disobey God
we defy His authority and despise His Holiness
When we fail to trust God
we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness."

On that note I close - I don't know where each one of you are spiritually but God LOVES you and Mr. Steve loved you as well. Mr. Steve's desire for everyone was that they come to a personal knowledge of the God of the universe! God has a plan for you and HIS desire is that you seek HIM.

HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2009 One year closer to being with our God and one year closer to being with all those who are temporarily separated from us.