One more day at Silvercare...

So depending on how you look at things...we have two nights and one full day left to get things somewhat in order for Dad to come home.

When I got there tonight to see him, he was stressed out. His butt hurt, his hip hurt, his back hurt...everything hurt.

And according to him...

"I'm done, I don't want to do this anymore."

You can read that over and over and interpret it a bunch of different ways. Is he done in this journey called "life?" Is he done with being constantly dependent on someone else? Is he done with pain or what his brain interprets as pain?

My father's body has honestly, never worked correctly. Well, at least for the past twenty years or so. He has survived a heart attack. Which was caused by 1200 blood sugar count resulting in diabetes. He has survived kidney stones. He has survived a hole in his foot for two years. He has survived pneumonia and an abscess in his lung. And he has "survived" a AVM burst.

And that's only his body.

So that is where he has been; and that's not what we need to talk about. We need to talk about the present. The future only holds too many questions; for him, and my family.

Dad is having a hard time breathing which is a result from having paralyzed vocal cords. He is very afraid of the place he is in right now because they take so long (twenty minutes or more) in getting back to him after he has pushed the call button. Dad has made little progress in the past two and a half months. He is going to be more 'comfortable' at home, but he won't get all the highly trained skilled physical, occupational, speech, etc. therapists that have been available to him up until now.

You may ask, what's the plan?

Although I would love to tell you that the plan is for Dad to be mobile and independent in six months, the reality of that is not likely. I hope that he can and with the strength only God can provide he can get through this.

But right now...

I'm OK if I pray for relief. Relief from my father continually in discomfort, continually needing a reason to go on, continually dependent on someone else for everything.

God You know that I need you to get through this. And I'm OK if you want to send him home to be with You. I want Your name to be praised! I want others to be so drawn to you that they don't have a reason to hate You. I hope that others would see what it is to be in a Christ-centered home. I want others to know You and the gift ONLY YOU have to offer!! Be with my father tonight. Calm his mind, and fears. I pray that You would work all things out for YOUR good and not my own. I thank you for giving me this family. I thank You for giving me my dad. I love you, Amen.